Tuesday, May 18, 2010
The kind where you feel the shit come out, but there is no shit in the toilet.
The kind where you shit it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.
The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and underwear so you won’t ruin them with a stain.
Second Wave shit
This happens when you’re done shit-ing and you’ve pulled up your pants to your knees, and you realize that you have to shit some more.
The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.
It’s so noisy, everyone within earshot is laughing.
The kind of shit you have the morning after a long night of drinking. Its most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.
Lincoln Log shit
The kind of shit that is so huge you\\\’re afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.
The kind where you want to shit but all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times.
Spinal Tap shit
That’s where it hurts so badly coming out, you would swear it was leaving you sideways.
Wet Cheeks shit (The Power Dump)
The kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your butt gets splashed with water.
The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out your butt and splashes all over the toilet bowl.
It smells so bad your nose burns.
The Surprise shit
You’re not even at the toilet because you are sure you’re about to fart, but oops…….a shit!!!
The Dangling shit
This shit refuses to drop into the toilet even though you know you are done shit-ing it. You just pray that a shake or two will cut it loose.
Monday, May 17, 2010
I remember when I was a child, maybe around the age of seven; all of my friends and I would pick up a flower that had as many petals as it could hold. If anyone got the biggest petals it was be sheer bliss because that would mean they would get to go longer on the crush saying. By crush saying I mean when you go does he love me yes, does he love me no .... Now, at age seven this was a big deal, the era of the cooties had come out and having a crush on a boy back then meant you would be teased. So as I nervously picked up a flower, very cautious so that no one could see.. I remember saying " this is dumb, but secretly hoping I would land on the "he loves me" petal. I recall looking around and taking the first petal off" he loves me" moving on to petal six. I was already getting nervous, all kinds of questions popped into my head like any child at the age of seven would think. Questions like " what if it lands on he loves me not, is it true? Now thankfully it landed on he loves me but then again what then. Thinking back to those simplest of memories made me want to pick up a flower and do it all over again. As I sit here writing this I am holding the last petal of the flower I picked up today. I felt like a child nervous all over again but with more determination at this time. I plucked off petal after petal and as I got nearer I started to become nervous. At this point in time I need you Jeffrey to declare your love for me because throughout the tough times I know you still love me. Even though you hate me at this moment I can still feel it. Why else would you treat me as if I didn't exist. Regardless I still await your answer in hopes that with the last petal that I plucked you'll come back to me. Only I know what the last petal meant and what it's conclusion was. Till the next post ^____^
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Finally, I have moved on to a new blog. I can't maintain a blog even if I wanted too, but since I have so much going on and I can't confide in my actual friends or family then I have decided to write it all down for anyone to listen. For a couple of months now I have been obsessed over trees and certain pictures. I don't know why, maybe because I have been hanging around my friends at the Tattoo shop called Root of Evil. What's interesting about this is that inside the shop in the center of the wall, their used to be a huge tree which resembled the root of evil. Now to some the root of evil can be money, love, liquor, etc.. I haven't quite found what my root of evil is yet. Regardless of that fact, I am into Photography although I have never owned an expensive camera, only those crappy ones that make you believe your actually throwing really good pictures. I don't know if everyone else started off with the fake cameras that had the film with cartoons in them and every time you click as if you were taking a picture, you would see the same cartoon with a new pose; but I did and boy did I work the hell out of that camera! I love photography and yet I am lazy, also the fact that my Sony camera broke doesn't help the situation either. Well that's enough of the rambling. I'll be back soon and i'll try not to abandon you dear blog. ^__^